We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
