i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
