it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
