I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im six kinds of drunk right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
