If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
