He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
