it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
