You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
