if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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