Soap is not a condiment
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
