did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
