Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
