At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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