the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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