Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
love makes seman taste better
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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