You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
