I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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