i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
