You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
