so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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