it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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