I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
