I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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