I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
