I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
