We're like a lot better than the average bears
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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