he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
