turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
