i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
