Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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