btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
