How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
