True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
