You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're my little dorito
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
