Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
