Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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