WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
