you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
