Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
