she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
