i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
