I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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