You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
