i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
