Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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