I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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