Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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