I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
