last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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