the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need a beard to bite.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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