My friends, they love my intelligence
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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