just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
