dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
then he tried to convert me to islam
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
