Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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