The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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